What is not-so-good about Goodbye?

          "Anicia, sleep at noon so that you will grow tall". The most often line said by my grandpa, Tatay Benny, when I was young. I remember when I was a kid we often go out and spend the whole day together.

          My parents work hard to provide for us. For they know what is best for our family. When they were at work, my grandparents took good care of me.

          Being the first granddaughter in the family (mother's side) was a privilege for me, full attention was given and people around me provided the things I needed. I was the so called "Favorite". One can say that I am a spoiled brat but I am not. My grandparents inculcated values and taught me how to enhance my talent. My grandma, Nanay Virginia, a missionary introduced God to my life even I was young.

          Our closeness changed when my parents and I had to move to another place. They decided to enroll me to a Christian School. I was three back then. Yes, I was too young to recall these things because parting is still a hard thing to get over with.

         When I was 7 my dad, Arnel, had a job opportunity at the States and he went for it. At first I was hesitant to see him leave but I realized he was doing it not only for me but especially for my little sister, Gabby. Distance alone did not affect our father-daughter relationship.

          As I grew up, more things became necessity for my family. So, my mom, Charo, needed to work overseas together with my dad. Then my other grandma (Father's side) was the one left to take care of us but she did not filled the emptiness I felt inside. Living without both parents around you was like "Hell on Earth". Yes, I was able to get the things I want but I would rather die with an empty stomach in my parent's arms.

          Then, I realized the value of money when Tatay Benny was diagnosed with Leukemia. I was 13, a young adult already. Seeing him suffer made the whole family even closer. Every 3 weeks we had to go to the hospital for his blood transfusion. I tried to Google the cure for Leukemia but I was startled to see "Leukemia, a disease with no cure". Time flew so fast. The smile I often saw in his face was barely seen. I got lost, I got lost in time. I felt that time cheated on me.Days felt like hours. So, I made the most out of the time I spend with him. I filled his days with hugs and full of love. Seeing my Tatay Benny in pain felt like felt like I am the one in agony. I prayed to God and dared to ask Him why He chose my grandpa to have that killer disease. Each day I have spent with my grandpa was imprinted on my mind. I had to be strong for him but the fact that my emotions overcame me made me indiscreet about it.

          October 2010, we visited my grandpa. He asked me what gift do I want for my birthday. I said I want him to be there beside me at my birthday but he only sighed. I want him to be strong like he did when we played way back when  I was three. November 7, two days before my birthday I was excited to celebrate my birthday. Unfortunately I felt something slashed my heart. I got a phone call from my grandma and she broke the news. MY GRANDPA IS DEAD. I did not even got to say goodbye. What is not-so-good about Goodbye? Things happened so fast that I was left behind. Each day became a battlefield for me. Convincing myself that it is just a dream. November 9, the day of my birthday, I saw my grandpa's body. It made me realize that one comes and goes, that rainbow appear after the rain and that the sun shines after the cold night.

          Now, a year had passed after Tatay Benny's death. I miss him so much. Felt like a part of me was lost but God let me look on the brighter side. The death of my grandpa made me stronger and it triggered me to go out of my shell. My love for my very own Tatay Benny will never be surpassed by anyone else.